This has been a hard, hard summer for me. The unofficial beginning of it was ushered in with the death of my Nanny. I should have taken that as a sign of things to come, but I didn't. I was far too wrapped up in my own grief for foreshadowing. However, this summer has taken at least one loved one from many of my friends, and in an unspeakable twist of fate, two from one family.
Dear Lord, I was not ready for this. I was not ready to lose my most beloved grandma and then to be confronted with death over and over and over again. Somehow, from somewhere deep within me, always finding more tears to cry for my friends and myself. Death can be so cruel. What a bitter, heartbreaking reality that I have faced too many times this summer. I've been to three funerals in three months, sent four sympathy cards that I know come nowhere near close to the comfort I wish I could give, the comfort I wish I could find for myself.
I've visited my grandma's grave probably a hundred times in the last twelve weeks, and I still cry probably every time. I don't know when the tears will stop, when my heart will just sort of hurt at the thought of all I've lost, all we've lost this summer. Somehow, inexplicably, life goes on, but my heart is forever changed.
10 hours ago